SUBBUTEO Table Rugby Part 2

‘Run with the ball’

SUBBUTEO Table Rugby reviewed by Mike Hyde [part 2]

The ground staff have prepared the pitch ready for the first Rugby League game in lockdown [by which I mean the wife has ironed the piece of green cloth].

The two teams are lined up to re-enact a League 1 encounter between Coventry Bears and former rivals Hemel Stags, the erstwhile ‘el classico’ of Rugby League in the Midlands.

Towering above his team-mates and foes alike, Hemel’s ‘live action fullback’ hoofs the little pill of a ball and it comes to rest. Time now to consult the rules, and as the nearest player is a Coventry Bear, we are deemed to have possession.

Now in Subbuteo football, you dribble with the ball, skilfully flicking it along but always with your player ending up nearest, otherwise you are tackled and the other team has possession.

In table soccer, this works.

Unfortunately these one-inch warriors are not able to pick up the ball and run with it Rugby fashion. So it is played like football, and ‘run with the ball’ is achieved by nudging it forward. This is usually called a knock-on in Rugby League, [or to be charitable it could be an unfeasible feast of grubber kicks!

But suspending disbelief, we carry on until five or six knock-ons later the ball is nearer an opposing player, at which point our player is deemed ‘tackled’, and the other side have the ball.

NO, NO, NO!!! We need a rewrite of rules here, we have six of these in our game before handing over possession, and the other lot [Union] have seemingly interminable attempts.

So, in my rules we would have the traditional shout of ‘gerremonsideref’, at which point the opponent has to reposition all his or her players and play starts again, with possession maintained.

Seemingly hemmed in by the opposition, our little hero decides to pass, at which point, according to the rules, I shout out ‘passing’ to enable manual repositioning of my player to flick the ball back to another in my team. In full size RL, we call this ‘telegraphing a pass’ with the receiving player traditionally ending up in A and E.

Getting nowhere after about ten minutes, it’s time for a change of tactics, so I call out ‘kicking’ allowing one of the little players to takes kick using the ‘wedgie’ to break the deadlock.

Ball and player fly through the air, and the result is a scrum deep in the opposition’s half.

Enter now the fabulous ‘scrummer’, the perfect answer to social distancing in our sport, as no players touch each other, or are even involved.

I win the ball, no feeding honestly, and several knock-ons, two shouts of ‘passing’ and three  ‘gerremonsideref’s later, the little ball is over the line, followed by a player. Try.

Up steps ‘live action fullback’ and my beloved Coventry Bears are 6-0 up at half time.

I am exhausted physically and mentally as I contemplate tactics for the second half, and that’s playing alone without an opponent!

Despite its quirks, I do like this game and look forward to playing against fellow enthusiasts, there must be some out there?

 And how about a refresh of the rules, both RL [and even Union] have evolved considerably since this table-top game was on sale, and wouldn’t it be nice to have an RL Subbuteo World Cup to coincide with the full size one in 2021